1) "Why I Am No Longer a Teacher, and Why I Will Always Be a Teacher"
An ethical discussion of the US's public education system and moreover, an indictment of the ways I find it to be morally and philosophically deficient, interwoven with memoir and interviews (similar to the way Don Miller writes), and also likely lots of humour.
2) "How to Write So That I Will Love You"
The first sentence of this book will be "I will probably never love you, but there is still hope yet for your happiness and writing acumen yet!" The last sentence of this book will be "I might someday love you."
The in-between bits will be a stylistic exploration of writing, with lots of illustrative examples and also lots of useful lies. I plan on also following Drew and Erika's lead by using "Strunk&White!" as an expletive throughout the book.
The Elements of Style can go roll an egg.
Also: a rhetorical primer, and likely some discourse on what I believe the roots of narrative writing are (Hint: It starts with a "C", and rhymes with "Hair-ick-turr"), as well as how we might begin accessing those roots.
Related: Stephanie Meyer can also go roll an egg. So can Dan Brown. Tom Clancy doesn't have to go roll an egg, though I want him to watch so that he understands very clearly what he's done.
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On a completely unrelated note, the city of St. Louis is now my second favourite city in which I've spent less than 2 weeks of total time. The first is Madison, WI, but only by a very small margin.