Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Okay, Crickets, Prepare to Meet Your Doom!

I have a cricket in my closet. It's been chirping at about 1 chirp per second since 2 am. It's hiding behind a pipe that I assume is used for water, or heating, or whatever it is that massive pipes are used for.

I can hear it.

With my hearing-aids off. And a fan going.

Let me reiterate. I can hear the little bugger.

This means that it is rather loud.

It is probably just one of them, a male. Not a family. But if Wikipedia is any indicator, this little guy is trying to attract a female cricket so they can start a little cricket family with 2 1/2 cricket kids and a little white cricket picket fence.

I tried shouting out to him "Hey dude, I'm single, too, but you do not see me chirping about it!"

Nothing but the piercing chirp-chirp-chirp filled the air.

Then the obligatory, "If you come out, I'll put you outside where all the female crickets are, and you can chirp to your heart's content!"

Again, no change. Just chirps.

And I am not able to rub my left forewing against the edge of my right forewing (given that I do not have either), which makes it rather difficult to chirp back at him.

So far, my plan has been a careful catch and release - this cricket made the honest mistake of assuming that I am a swinging bachelor (the only swinging I do is on a swing-set... and only then until I get nauseous or fall off, which I guess usually takes quite a while), which I guess is understandable (I'm giving him leeway in judgment because he is a cricket) - but that plan might change if I can't coax him out from behind the pipe in my closet.

Of course, there's nothing else that I can do to him back there, short of purchasing bug spray.

It's an ethical dilemma. Should I punish this cricket for being a cricket? Should I attack without mercy? Become nocturnal and be the type of teacher who shows videos everyday along with multiple choice questions and then falls asleep 8 minutes into every period only to wake up very startled and disoriented (those of you who have lived with me have seen this) when students decide to do things other than sit still and fill out their multiple choice test?

He's still chirping.

I'm not even supposed to be able to hear higher frequency stuff, and I can hear this.

I'd love to catch the little guy and send him back outside. One of my windows has a broken screen, so I occasionally find massive grasshoppers clinging to the inside of it... this window also no longer shuts, apparently, so we'll have to find some fix for that before too long. That, plus some weather-stripping on my door should keep too many more from climbing in, I hope.

Thank goodness it's time to go to school, do lesson plans, etc. Teaching starts tomorrow. And I've told you about crickets.